Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
