Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
