Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
