I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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