whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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