I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
