Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
