Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
