They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
