After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Someone signed my nipple.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
