She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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