i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
