I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
