Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
