you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
