someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
