just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
