omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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