I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
