Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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