i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
