Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
