So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
