i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
