I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
