No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she pinky promised me she was 18
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
