I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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