If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Panties = found
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