I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
