I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
