I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
