If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
