12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
