a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
