I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
