u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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