He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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