I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
