I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
