I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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