it wasn't lemon gatorade
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
love makes seman taste better
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
