I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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