I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
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