we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
