It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
