I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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