I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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