when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
