How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
