A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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