he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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