i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
