he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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