I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
