hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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