am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
