Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
