that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
